we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
