Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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