I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
