So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
