we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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