You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
