To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
