Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
