I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
