Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
