flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
