i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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