Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want a musical about memes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
