We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
