You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
