Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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