therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
