and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
