Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
