I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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