nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
