My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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