I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
