it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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