Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"

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(248): View more from Michigan

Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(775): View more from Nevada

"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.

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(708): View more from Illinois

we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?

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(214): View more from Texas

PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life

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