swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're too hungover to prance.