I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.