I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
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Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet