just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho