Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.