Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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