Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
