how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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