it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
