At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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