I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
