also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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