Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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