You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
