I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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