im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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