moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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