I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
