you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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