I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
