If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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