You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
