Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
