Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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