i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
