I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
