You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
