A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You dont lie about slip and slides
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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