I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
