I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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