porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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