"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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