Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
