well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
