I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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