Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
