he puts the penis in happiness.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize