The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
