its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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