I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
