my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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