Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
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So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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