I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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