I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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