I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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