I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
