is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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