john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
