Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night