1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.