so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
