Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma