whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.