so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me