HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for