sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.